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Problems Vampires Have, Page 9

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This has problems pertaining to dealing with "everyday" (everynight?) things for real vampires. It can get in a light vein, but I would prefer it to be mainly enlightening (jeez, can I quit with these day puns, already???) as to actual problems that vampires have to deal with on a day-to-day (aaarrrggghhh!!!) basis.

--Sanguinarius


  1. Being forced to go to school all day, which just happens to be lit by floresent lights and has HUGE windows.
  2. Being so sensitive to light that you need to wear SPF 50...and still burn.
  3. Having people ask you why you're so pale.
  4. Getting heartburn from everything you eat, and having to keep and abundance of Tums and Zantac 75 with you at all times...even though you're only fourteen.
  5. Having people hold up their cross necklaces and ask if it will burn you.
  6. Getting a piece of garlic bread thrown at you.
  7. People asking if you're going to drink their blood.
  8. People asking if you can turn into a bat.
  9. People asking to see your fangs. (But it is fun to show them!)
  10. People asking, "What, are you Dracula or something?"
  11. People asking you if you sleep in a coffin.
  12. People asking you if you can fly.
  13. People.
  14. Being asked if you worship the Devil.
  15. Not being able to afford decent sunglasses.
  16. Falling asleep in school.
  17. Not having a doner for almost two months.
  18. Role players.
  19. Craving the raw, bloody steaks mom's thawing for dinner.
  20. Having your gums always feel like they're going to shrink down to nothing.
  21. Bright, nasty headlights at night.
Anyone at all, e-mail/IM me at QtCocacolaKitty@aol.com.

Contributed by Raven Blood


Since I'm still in school, I still have to do PE; this means over an hour in the sun (in the summer).

Getting asked by my friends, "Why don't you sit in the sun? Are you a vampire or something?" They think this is funny since they don't know I am.

Getting asked why I'm squinting on an overcast day (my school doesn't allow me to wear sunglasses or hats), replying, "It's too bright and too hot," and getting told that I'm weird.

Getting told I look ill and that I should go lie down.

Having my parents tell me that I'll be unhealthy if I don't go out and "enjoy the sunshine".

Standing in the lunch queue, in the middle of summer. [Presumably, this is outside...? -- Sanguinarius]

Looking like a panda when I do wear my sunglasses.

Having to go to the opticians and having them shine those nasty bright lights in my eyes.

Being blinded in the mornings when my mum opens the curtains and declares that it's a lovely day.

Contributed by anonymous


One time I wore my vampire caps to our local Rennaisance Faire and everything was going fine for a while. Then, Sir Walter Raleigh saw my "teeth" and he thought I was a demon or something. He started yelling, "Get this person exorsized! They are evil!" This lady comes up and starts throwing Holy Water on my clothes. I looked at her like she's crazy. The good thing is that Sir Walter Raleigh decided to give up on me, so he said, "You have now been almost fully cleansed of the evil spirit. To finish your exorcism, run 3 times around the square and do a few push-ups."

Contributed by Sarafina1313@go.com


I was driving home from school last night. You guys would know how it is...street lights and oncoming headlights...nasty bright things.

Anyway, there I am crusing down the road when I see blue and red flashing lights in the mirror. I pull over and a police officer comes to my door.

I ask, "Good evening Officer, what is the problem?"

He says, "Evening. Tell me, do you always drive at 9 pm without headlights?"

I think...ooops. I say, "Sorry, must have missed that."

He says, "How in the name of god can you see anything? You have no headlights on and...are you wearing sunglasses?"

I think...shit. I say, "Errr...prescription glasses."

He shakes his head and says, "You youngsters are a weird lot."

I will always turn my headlights on and take my sunnies off at night. *I am sending myself a memo!*

Take care...be safe. *Always use your headlights. ; )*

Contributed by Lilly the Twit


Attempting to convince your mother you really DO have a fever. "But Mom, 98 IS a fever for me!!"

Feeling really guilty for giving in to cliches when you buy Ann Rice books.

Family Vacations at the Beach. Enough said.

A school year of hell, when fate casts you in the seat next to the huge windows.

People asking if they can watch your fangs retract.

Deciding what to be for Halloween. I mean, what's the point?

When daylight savings time ends and you have to wait for the bus every morning in the FRICKIN SUNSHINE!

If you're in a band, being accused of being gimmicky.

People that spell vampire with a "Y"! Their mere existance annoys me to no end.

Contributed by SaucyJackky

[ Problems Vampires Have: p1 - p2 - p3 - p4 - p5 - p6 - p7 - p8 - p9 - p10 - p11 - p12 - p13 - p14 - p15 - p16 - p17 - p18 - p19 - p20 - p21 - p22 - p23 - p24 - p25 - p26 - p27 - p28 ]

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