I was asked to write an article. I was asked to write about what it’s like to be a vampire. I tried to approach it from a more scientific standpoint, with categories of experience and analysis of relevant subjects. I tried to give a blow-by-blow description of the crap that one has to go through in an average day. All that came from either of those attempts was some half-finished pages of scribbling, and the strongest urge to smoke all day.
What is it like to be a vampire? It fucking sucks.
It sucks not feeling the warmth of the sun on your skin as a happy thing anymore, but instead after years of pain, feeling it as something to shy away from and avoid. We would like to frolic in the fields and parks like everyone else, believe it or not. We can’t, unless we want migraines, or sunburns, or heat exhaustion to sneak up on us. It sucks always having to wear sunglasses, or hats, or something to cover our skin to avoid those same things I just mentioned.
It sucks being so sensitive to everything. It sucks not being able to get a good sleep because you can feel the people in the next apartment building’s television is still on, or because you can sense the security guard walking down the sidewalk across the parking lot. It sucks being tuned in and receptive to everything, including things that you don’t want to be receptive to, like others’ personal conversations, or worse yet, their thoughts and feelings.
It sucks having such highly tuned senses, because it’s like you’re allergic to everything. It sucks not being able to eat like anyone else because your digestive system randomly decides what you can and cannot eat. It sucks that you can smell every little thing around you, especially around pollen season, or if you happen to be near someone with even the tiniest hint of fragrance on. It sucks hearing the same things as the pets, and it sucks that you can’t enjoy the little things, like someone sneaking up on you, or shopping in the soap and deodorant aisle.
It sucks dragging like a zombie all day long because you’re naturally nocturnal. It sucks when despite your best efforts; you can’t sleep at night, and you can’t stay awake during the day. It sucks that you aren’t tired at the same time that everyone else is, because 2am is still really amazingly boring, even after all these years. It sucks that there’s not much that accommodates such sleeping patterns in the way of jobs, or schooling, and it really sucks that there’s rarely anyone to share all night with.
It sucks thinking you’re going crazy. It sucks craving something that makes no sense to want. It sucks needing. It sucks feeling your physical and/or mental health deteriorate for lack of that thing. It sucks knowing you have to obtain this from another human being. It sucks knowing that for the rest of your existence you must supplement yourself with the life energies of another, and therefore must rely on others in order to live (not merely survive, or subsist, but live… there’s a difference). It sucks knowing in your heart of hearts that you are not the same as others, and that there will never be that similarity with most of society that most enjoy with their peers.
With all of the badmouthing that I have had in this article, surely one must wonder if there is any good to it, any advantage, any boon. Is it all inconvenient, worrisome, emotionally draining and just all-around horrible? No, it isn’t 100% torture. There are pluses to almost every single one of the problems listed above, but the catch is, the advantages by no means outweigh the drawbacks.