By The Vampyre Psykic
I’ve heard that most vampyres tend to “vamp out” when they’re unable to feed. This seems especially true for sanguinarian vampyres like me. Personally, I’ve never experienced this. I’m not sure if it’s simply because I’ve never fed consistently enough to break my pre-awakened instincts of unconscious psi feeding (which by the way, have never sustained me well), or if there are a rare few who never vamp out, but instead slowly deteriorate, as I’ve been.
At the moment I write this, it’s been nearly a year since I was last able to feed properly. I’ve occasionally been able to get bits of psi energy from people, and I’ve developed a way to maintain moderate energy levels with crystal magick and meditation, but none of those make me as strong and as well as I used to be, and the effects only last a few days at most, and sometimes as little as a few hours.
I’ve been noticing myself slowly deteriorating, my energy levels slowly dropping, and my former talents being stripped from me one by one. I’m only now learning how much I use my spirit in everyday life. It sometimes seems like people are speaking to me in riddles; for when I was strong I could know what people meant by what they were about to say, whereas now I’m unable to read people well enough to understand direct statements. I used to be able to tell how others felt, no matter how hard they tried to hide it; now I can barely tell what I’m feeling. My presence used to be strong enough that others would notice me if I walked through the mall, most taking a good look at me as I passed; now I can’t even get the normally bothersome salespeople to acknowledge me, even if I try to project my energy. I’m even having trouble remembering important things that close friends confide in me; it seems that I used to use a sort of psychic mnemonic to help form new memories.
My energy levels have declined as well. In fact, the only way I have enough motivation to write this is because I was able to get a bit of psi energy the other day. Such encounters don’t make me strong, they only lessen my awareness of being weak, and for a very short time at that (FYI the last time I tasted blood, it sustained me for several weeks). When I’m at optimum health, I normally only need 5 to 7 hours of sleep, and get up feeling awake and refreshed; whereas recently I’ve been unable to get out of bed before 9 hours of sleep, and frequently seem to need 11 or 12. And even with this much sleep, I’m still tired throughout the day. I seem to lack the willpower and motivation to do even simple tasks, even the ones that are important. And this last loss is a large part of what makes this a vicious cycle, as I don’t even seem to have the willpower to get myself to look for a donor. I do have some friends I’ve been asking, but they live just far enough away that getting together with them is a major hassle, so it hasn’t yet panned out, though I hope it soon will.
It should be noted that I often had similar experiences before I awakened, which confirms for me that it is in fact feeding, or lack thereof that causes me to feel this way. I didn’t like it when I felt this way years ago, but it’s even worse now, as it’s accompanied by a memory of the things I had that are now lost.
I share my experiences in the hopes that some of you out there can relate. I’d imagine that there are many vampyres out there who don’t experience the typical symptoms of non-feeding, and I knew that it definitely caused some confusion for me as I was awakening. It definitely causes troubles in my daily life today, but I hope maybe in sharing this, it will help those like me (if there are any) to know that they’re not alone.
By the way, the combination of meditation and crystal magick actually works pretty well (though there are some setbacks) and I plan to write articles on both of them soon, the meditation article will be/is titled “A Meditation for Spiritual Cleansing,” and the other will be/is titled “Crystal Magick and Vampyrism,” but if you’re reading this before these articles are posted, feel free to e-mail me at The_Vampyre_Psykic (at) yahoo.com.