I’m often asked how does one become a donor for a vampire. For me personally, it was about a three year evolution, which began with me being vamp-curious, then vamp friendly and supportive, gathering information as I went along, exploring, learning, talking with people. Then finally, when I was ready, I made the leap to donor. Everyone has different time frames.
I tell everyone who expresses an interest in donoring to a vampire, to give some thought as to why you want to do it. There are really not too many “wrong” answers; be it for altruism, friendship, love, acceptance, eroticism or other reasons, you just need to be aware of why you’re doing it. Be sure your expectations are not unrealistic. Let me say up front, you are not going to be turned into a vampire. If you’re looking for sexual and/or emotional intimacy, do not assume the vampire is looking for the same.
So you’ve decided you may want to do it and why. What’s the next step? Become informed before you make such a commitment. Join some reputable groups, visit reputable support sites, study and ask questions. Try to talk to donors and vampires. You also need to decide whether you want to be a sang (blood) donor or psi (psychic or psionic) donor or both. I do both.
First, I’ll clear up some questions you may have. When you donor to a vampire, what exactly is it you’re giving up? You’ll hear and read a lot about energy. But what type of energy? Whether you donor via blood or psi, the vampire is forming a magickal link to your lifeforce, your inner essence, your chi, your core and taking in some of it. But more on this later.
What to expect as a psi donor. Psi donoring can take place in a few ways. Sometimes, it may be as part of a crowd of people. Sometimes, it’s a random singling out from a crowd. Or it may be more intentional in a social setting, such as a club, with brief “sips” by proximity or touching. And finally, it may be an intentional one-to-one direct feeding on a much deeper level. This latter is usually done in a private setting and will usually involve either direct touch or hands manipulating over and around you in proximity, depending on the vamp and what your arrangement is.
What to expect as a sang (blood) donor. There are a number of ways of bloodletting, and excellent information is available on each for those who need it. You have the right to choose what you’re comfortable with. You’ll probably find, like many others, that what you’re comfortable with evolves over time. It usually will involve a small amount of pain, unless pain is what you’re into, but that’s getting into a different subject of masochism and bloodplay. Some vamps insist the donor do the bloodletting but that’s a personal preference or motivation. I personally prefer the party that has the better experience of the technique being used. If you decide to go the route of being a sang donor then you and the vamp should both be tested and be disease-free. Keep in mind that being a sang donor is not always glamorous. You will have needle marks, bruises and/or cuts to hide or explain. People tend not to understand that something was being taken out rather than put in when you look like a junkie, even if you had the liberty to explain, which you won’t. Furthermore the truth would be just as shocking.
How much blood does the vampire take? It can vary from a few drops to a few ounces with most vamps taking an amount somewhere in between. If you’re a regular donor, take an iron supplement to avoid anemia.
What does it feel like to be a donor? The time involved is usually a few minutes or a bit longer. Many people describe feeling warm and languid, feeling weak or drowsy afterwards, a few may complain of shakiness or nausea. Some describe an orgasmic experience. Some are sensitive to the magickal link involved and may or may not like the feeling. For most, it’s an opportunity to step out of the ordinary and into the world of the extraordinary. It’s a risk, it’s an adventure. Many people also enjoyed the bond that is formed through donoring. It’s a combination of camaraderie, friendship, a strange and wondrous intimacy. At least that’s how I see it. Donors are usually very much appreciated.
So where do you find a vampire? Or more accurately, where do they find you? ~smiles~ There are many ways. You may meet them through those reputable groups I suggested you join when you decided upon this adventure. Most cities have clubs with goth venues. Many have vampire meetups or gatherings. There are covens, groups, Houses, courts. Of course, everyone is not going to be a vampire, but they’re around. Put the vibe out that you’re dinner and you’ll find yourself with lots of fans. Seriously, be open-minded to the possibility and it will happen. Vamps seem to have a way of finding their way to those people who want them even in the everyday world, they’re intuitive that way; I know of a vamp who met one of his donors in a grocery line, another in the line at the post office. Talk to other donors. Make an acquaintance with a vampire or several. They’re people persons, or at least approachable if you have the right “mindedness” and usually don’t mind talking to someone who’s seriously seeking information.
What are your obligations? It depends on the type of donor you want to be. Do you want to be a regular donor and have a set commitment or do you want to be uncommitted and regular or not? Or you may find yourself being one or the other at different times, as I have. If you’re in a committed situation, then you assume a certain responsibility to be available on at least a semi-regular basis. I don’t take this commitment lightly nor should you. If you find yourself making excuses to not be available, perhaps you should reconsider, or figure out what’s putting you off. You are, of course, free to say no or quit anytime you wish to. Sometimes vampires will belong to a group or coven or House, and have a donor pool, where everyone’s been tested, so that’s another possibility; some people feel more comfortable in groups. However, not all vampires like to share, so it’s something to talk about with the person or persons you decide to donate to. And lastly, I’ll just mention that some vampire-donor pairs are couples in other aspects.
Both the donor and vampire should be legal consenting adults. When you’re meeting for the first time, use the same common sense you should use in any other social situation and be careful. Try to meet in a public place, be sure someone you trust knows where you’re going and how to get in touch with you, etc. If you’re going to be a regular donor, it’s a good idea to talk about both parties expectations. Neither should assume that sexual or emotional intimacy in the traditional sense is part of the package. As a donor, you have the right to be informed about what’s going to be involved and you have the right to withdraw your consent at any time. You should both be in agreement on technique and limits and the type of feeding. Of course, some things you may only be able to understand once you’ve experienced it.
As far as physical risks, I’ve discussed some of them above. The vamp is actually at the larger risk for contracting a disease, but it’s not impossible that the donor could as well, so heed the advice on testing, vaccines, and pathogens. The vamp also has the right to know of any serious medical conditions you have or any medications you’re on. [Sangi note: I have articles pertaining to these in my Articles Archive and also the Vampire Guide, Tips & Advice section.]
A donor who is mentally or emotionally unstable in any way really shouldn’t donate. This rarely has a happy ending. Usually the person’s instability is just exacerbated by donoring.
Advanced Considerations: Donoring can have an addictive quality to it. Over time the donor may get pulled into the “gravity of the vampire” and this may erode the donor’s sense of self if they don’t pull back sometimes and work on keeping their own center. Although I’ve never experienced it, I’ve heard it said the other person can get into your head (i.e., voices in your head type of thing) and I’ve also heard if the bond is strong this can be a two-way conduit. Some people might find this less than pleasant. The upside is many donors enjoy the experience and the bond with a vampire that I spoke of earlier and can also feel they are doing someone a real service by being a donor.
Don’t assume every vampire has the best intentions towards you. Vampires are masters at manipulation and predatorial by nature. Many are appreciative and considerate of their donor’s welfare; some are not. If you start to feel like you’re “coming apart” and being sucked dry, you probably are and it’s time at the very least to pull back and re-evaluate the situation. If someone tells you they are going to turn you into a vampire, you need to decline or take a long hard look first. The general consensus is that vampires are born not made. However, donors can be vampirized over time through over donating to the point where they may take on vampiric or other manifestations. This doesn’t make them a real vampire and it usually has a detrimental effect on them mentally, physically and emotionally.
Earlier, we talked about the lifeforce energy the vampire is feeding on. This is replenishable by the donor, providing it’s done in moderation. While many vamp-donor couples prefer to be exclusive, there is a lot to be said for a vampire having more than one donor to decrease some of these risks. Few people can stand the intensity of a strong and singular vamp-donor relationship over a long period of time without taking a break from it. And as with any relationship, should it be brought to an end by either party, there’s always the risk of a “fatal attraction” sort of problem. However, if there’s been good communication and a healthy attitude, both parties should be able to part friends.
Best wishes in your journey.
~Thanks to Blacklight for all of your input and “special collaboration”.