(Originally posted to the Vampiric Community Message Board on 21 August, 2003.)
If a wild animal gave in to its blood-lust on impulse it would lose its prey. Hunting animals have wild, ravenous impulses, desires to rend limbs and shed blood but they curb this desire; they take control and spend quite lengthy periods of time — watching, waiting, learning — for the right time to take their prey.
My dog entertains serious desires to kill the postman. She used to launch herself like a furry, furious missile — all fangs and fury — the minute she heard his bike. Her intent was obvious: to kill. But I forbade her. She had to treat the postman like she treats everyone else. Now when he goes by, she lies down in submission, her ears flat, her fur sleek (not a frenzied bristle or stiff hackle in sight). Now, no doubt she is imagining rending the poor guy limb from limb; her throttled whimper and quivering muscles betray her. The impulse is there…BUT she won’t act on it. She’s learned to contol herself — and if my dog can do it, so can we… All of us.
I once worked with a guy who was kind, funny, good-looking and popular. And did I mention he beat up his wife? I found this out after I became friends with her. Confronting him, he said to me in tones of infinite regret and sorrow, “I have this anger management problem”, and (my personal favourite), “She makes me. You know she needles me… She just knows how to push my buttons”. REALLY? We both worked for a boss we hated (talk about pushing buttons and seeing red), so I asked him if he had ever hit our boss? He laughed and said, “Are you nuts, never!” I asked him if he had ever hit the checkout girl in K-Mart (the one that processed 3 items in like an hour). “Duh, NO!” I put it to him that he had perfect control. That he knew exactly how to manage his anger. He chose to hit his wife. No excuses.
On the old message board, I remember a young vampire, newly awakened and really stressed because every time he felt like vamping out, or he felt the blood lust, the beast (or whatever you like to call it), he imagined leaping on people and ripping their throats out, bathing in blood — the whole gory deal! He hastened to add that he would NEVER dream of acting on these impulses. Violent impulses are fine and understandable; giving into them is not. It’s all about self-control and responsibility.
Over the years I have noticed posts regarding diverting this energy into another channel — something positive such as running, dancing, mountain climbing, swimming in an icy sea, boxing, yoga, even eating chocolate or having sex. Some posts, however, mention destructive behaviours such as beating someone up, or smashing furniture. We are vampires, NOT demons. We are human. We have control and choice. If you can control yourself in some situations, you can in others. It may be uncomfortable, painful, or difficult, but it is possible.
I remember speaking to a vampire a long time ago who was in a state of remorse because he had hit his mother and smashed the television and a chair. I asked him if he would have ever hit the librarian and smashed some bookcases in the local library. He answered “No”.
I am sorry if this comes across as a lecture but I feel it is really important.