Handbook: Coming Out

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Last updated: 18 January, 2005.

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Confiding or Confessing?

by Lord Donald Vladescu

More than a few times I’ve seen posts about vampires grappling with the question of whether or not to tell a friend, family member, or significant other about their true nature. Is it because they want to share something very personal or confess a dirty secret? Of course, there is no pat answer, as every situation is different.

But since this question does come up, here are some questions to ask yourself that I believe might be helpful.

  1. What is the motivation for wanting to reveal yourself? For your benefit, or the other person’s?
  2. Is it crucial for the sustaining or progressing of the relationship? (Crucial as in: “I love you honey, but I just found out I’m your brother.”)
  3. If you feel that revealing yourself might put a rift in, or end the relationship, which is better: keeping the person or keeping the secret?
  4. Revealing yourself could jeopardize a relationship because the other person couldn’t accept you a a vampire. What is it about this person or relationship that means so much to you that you feel the need to keep such a secret?
  5. Would you deny or have to deny having vampire associates in order to keep your secret and relationship intact? If the answer is yes, could you live with that decision?
  6. How long can you foresee having to keep this secret? Would you be able to last the duration?

This is not an endorsement for staying in or coming out of the coffin, as they say; just some hopefully thought-provoking questions. Any feedback?

Coming Out

by Sarah L. M. Dorrance

It’s just like coming out of the closet as a witch, or as poly, or as non-hetero. Use common sense. Some people are not going to take it well. Others might react with alarm at first, but once they see that you are still you and basically normal, they’ll change their preconceived notions and learn something about what the minority really is like as opposed to what the stereotype says. (Better yet, they’ll stop trying to make judgments period.) Other people will be open minded and will say, “Huh. That’s interesting.” And that will be that.

If you are thinking of coming out (about ANY “alternative” aspect of your life) ask yourself first: Are you confident? Do you feel good about yourself? Do you accept this part of yourself and cherish it? Because if you have any fear or shame, people will pick up on it, and they’ll see that you’re a little defensive and will suspect that it’s because you have a reason to be defensive and there really is something wrong about you. Don’t come out unless you feel comfortable doing so.

(That advice comes from the guy who founded Queer Nation, by the way. Looking back on my late teens, then comparing my self image then with my current self image, I have to agree with him. I was not confident as a teen, and i think that was part of the reason why I got picked on. It also made me have a chip on my shoulder about being “different.”)

My Views of the Vampire Community

By Ravenbop

From where I stand, I see the vampire community as a weak element. We are a minority in the world, but that does not mean we must act like one. I understand the dangers and difficulties of “coming out” to the world around us; hopefully a time will come when we can, as a whole, come out without persecution, but for now that seems impossible.

Coming out, however, doesn’t make us weak. I feel that what is making us weak is the lack of togetherness. We need to lean on each other, be truthful about what we are to each other, and care for one another. We have the ability of showing the world that we are not just sick freaks (which they will call us to our faces) that care only for ourselves and getting what we want. If we build a stronger “inner” community, when the time comes when we decide to come out as a whole, we will have a strong “outer” community. We will have self-respect that the world around us will see; we will have not shame in what we are, and the world (hopefully) will understand our needs and help us with them.

I know that some will read this and think that it’s just another young, newly awakened girl that has no clue what she’s talking about. If you’re the person thinking this, then take a nice look in the mirror and you’ll see one of the many reasons we are “we”. If I stepped on any toes, I didn’t mean to; I only meant this to be a new view on the community from a new voice within it.

I’m the founder/creator/page slave of Sanguinarius.org. I’m in my early-to-mid 40s. I have 2 special kitties and a good man.

More info later.

See my website, Sangi’s Corner, for more about me.

Sanguinarius E. Sanguinarius – who has written posts on Sanguinarius.org for Real Vampires.

About Sanguinarius E. Sanguinarius

I’m the founder/creator/page slave of Sanguinarius.org. I’m in my early-to-mid 40s. I have 2 special kitties and a good man. More info later. See my website, Sangi’s Corner, for more about me.
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