In this section, I present stories of (mostly) younger vampires’ awakenings and experiences while going through their awakenings. If you are a teen or school-aged vampire who has awakened, is awakening, or an older vampire who awakened during your teens, and would like to share your experiences, please send me your story. I’m also interested in hearing older vampires’ experiences for awakenings that occurred later on in life.
–Sanguinarius[Back to Index]
The Awakening — An Essay
By Justin Macauley
Vampires. It is a subject that is considered to be taboo in some cultures and is associated with the images of a eerie, immortal, undead creature that rises from the grave to feed on the “life-giving blood” of other human beings; in some cultures, people were terrified of the dead coming back to life and even to this day in some places, people are still terrified at the word vampire. To these people, Vampires were real and they were creatures that came back from the dead to drink the blood of their helpless victims. For the most part though, excluding these other countries and their belief in Vampires, here in The United States, the vampire has been taken to a whole new level and book series such as Twilight have definitely changed the way we look at vampires. From a bloodsucking creature, the vampire has been changed into the romantic and powerful creature we see in books and on TV. Though to be honest, a lot of us do not really believe in Vampires like they do in some places and countries and just purely see the vampire as a character from a book like Dracula. Very rarely do we think that such things exist and if someone does try to proclaim they are a vampire, we think they are mentally unstable. But what is it like for a normal person to suddenly have the cravings of blood and go from a normal, everyday life and think they are mentally unstable? What happens when a person who has never really believed in Vampires awakens? Well, a lot happens and for me, awakening sure brought a change to my life.
My life as I was growing up was a very Christian one and I did not know very much about Vampires or the Vampire community and I have never heard of such things even existing. I was part of a Christian church (Lutheran) and to be honest, the Lutheran Church I belonged to was kinda based off of the Catholic church; it was fairly strict about their beliefs, but I think for the most part I really tended to stay very open-minded. My parents, though, were a lot different from me and were very spiritual — especially my mother, who was very “Christian”. My mother came from a family who was very Christian and my grandfather even had founded the church I was raised in and went to with them. So to be honest, I was raised and brought up as a Christian and my parents expected me to be Christian and anything that was practiced outside of their religion was considered taboo, satanic. So you can generally imagine what would happen when my time for awakening came. It would definitely be a bad place to awaken.
I remember it was right around September of 2009 that I began to awaken; I think it was the beginning of the month. The very first thing that started to happen to me was I started thinking about blood and then the thinking went to cravings. For me personally, experiencing something like this really made me feel like I was going pretty much insane and I thought I was mentally losing it. I remember I would go out places and I would actually be looking at people and thinking about actually drinking their blood. It was a pretty creepy time for me and being that I didn’t understand anything that was going on with me, I was afraid of myself. Not to mention, I also started having to wear shades and long clothing pretty much wherever I went because the sunlight started to bother me. I think one of the worst things with my awakening as a Sanguinarian Vampire that I had to go through was the feeling of not having anyone to talk to about the way I felt and what was going on with me. I thought everyone would think I had lost it and was officially mentally unstable, so that was probably one of the worst things I had to deal with while I was awakening. Not to mention, I was worried about my parents catching on to what was going on with me. I think I coped with these problems for a month or so and at this time I was studying a lot about religions and I had gotten into the occult. — My parents really loved me for that.
I just happened to come across a book that talked about Vampires while I was at this local bookstore I went to fairly often. It was called something like “Real Vampires” and inside the book there were a variety of stories about people who called themselves Sanguinarian Vampires and the struggles they went through. I think I really started to question whether I was a vampire or not at this point, and I still thought I was just a bit mentally unstable or something related. I think I went right to the local library after reading this book a while at the bookstore. The first thing I did when I went was get on the internet and google Sanguinarian Vampires. The first hits that came up were a lot of random websites, but there was one very interesting website that stood out to me and that was Sanguinarius.org which was run by Sanguinarius—Sangi is a very important person within the Vampire Community itself. After looking around the website a while I found a variety of articles on there that talked about Sanguinarian Vampires and the cravings and the problems a lot of Sanguinarian Vampires had: From not being able to go out in the sunlight, to having problems with sunlight bothering my eyes and the urges for wanting to drink someones blood; I think I pretty much fit every aspect of what the typical Sanguinarian vampire felt. I remember reading about the feelings of depression and often being down and out of energy on that website, too, and I think that really fit me as well. I also decided to join the website’s forum; at that time, I think it was a very active forum where I met a lot of great people who accepted me for who I was. To this day, I still have a lot of good friends from there.
After finding the website and going to the bookstore and learning about how real vampires really did exist, my life really did start to change. I think my parents really thought I must have been crazy at the time; one of the worst things was, I was constantly wearing all black and wearing sunglasses and complaining about the sun. My parents kinda took notice of that and really started to wonder about me. I could not go out in the sun at all — even to this day the sun still bothers me and so do fluorescent lights. When you have Christian parents, they really take notice of things like that. One of the other bad things that happened was I that my parents would go and check the history of their computers and see sites like Sanguinarius.org; they eventually figured out to some degree what was going on with me. It was mostly my mother who got the idea I was thinking I was a vampire. So even though I had a few things like that to deal with, those were a few of the negative things I went through while I was awakening.
So what were some of the positives and negatives of awakening as a vampire? I think some of the negatives to awakening are you have to be very careful of who you tell; the other is your family and friends may start to wonder about you as you’re awakening. I think one of the worst things for me was thinking I was going insane and I thought some things like “What is wrong with me?” It really made me scared of myself and worried about what I might do to others. There is a term that is used to describe what a vampire who has gone without feeding for a while feels: vamping out. I was scared I was going to vamp out on someone because I did not have any donor to feed from at this time. One of the other negative aspects of awakening was the fact that I had insomnia, which is a problem a lot of vampires face, whether newly awakened or not. I would often be awake till 7 in the morning and I eventually became a night-owl; which I am to this very day. The other negative aspect of awakening is not being able to go out in sunlight at all sometimes and having lights bother your eyes. I often found myself dressed in long sleeves and hoodies to avoid the sunlight and that; I had to wear sunglasses all the time, too. So in regard to the positive things you may have when awakening, I think you really will grow as a person after awakening; I know I really did and it really changed me a lot.
So how have I benefited from going through the awakening? Well, I have gone through two awakenings: One was as a psychic vampire and the other was as a sanguinarian vampire. I think I really have grown a lot from going through both awakenings, inside as well spiritually. I found myself being gifted with the abilities of an energy worker, an empath and also a psychic. Despite all the hardships I went through, I really can say that I have not regretted one minute of what I went through when I awakened. I hope other people will grow and gain the same experiences I have when they awaken.
© Copyright 2011 by Justin Macauley. All rights reserved. Permission has been granted by the author to reprint this essay on Sanguinarius.org.
Hi my name is Ash, I am 18 soon to be 19, live in the south-west of England. I am a blood vampire, and have finally come to the end of my awakening.
I suppose my story really starts from a very early age, around 5 when I started primary school. I have always had large canine teeth (fangs if you will). I never really paid much attention to them, but the kids at school did. They went so far as to nickname me “Dracula” and jokingly called me a vampire, but I remember feeling comfortable with their nicknames and laughed with them.
All was well until I hit 13, when out of the blue I started getting really nasty migraines that began in my eyes. They started with a broken glass effect in my eyes, which slowly progressed to going half-blind, then about an hour later that goes away and I get the headache which feels like something is drilling into my skull. I had to sit in my bedroom out of the way of bright lights, strong smells and loud noises when I had them. I still get the migraines occasionally but not very often.
I noticed that my hearing, eyesight, sense of smell and reactions were improving, I started to feel tired and lethargic and occasionally quite ill during daylight hours, and I would only start to feel better when the sun started setting. My eyes do not adjust to sunlight very well and I always get sunburnt. (I also had mild heat stroke.) I found my self craving meat/blood (I can’t remember the first time I tasted Blood — I have always liked it). But being me, I started to ignore the cravings when I realised what was going on. I got depressed and tried to distance myself from my friends and family. I never told them what was going on, still haven’t.
But that’s in the past. I have come to accept what I am. No point moping around the rest of my life. I finished school at 16, got a job, went to college and I am now a qualified engineer.
So here I am now. I am happy as a vampire. I have learned that you can hold the thirst off with certain foods — i.e. rare steak, or black pudding (made from pig’s blood). I’m scraping by on that at the moment until I find a donor. My Girlfriend did offer for me but I turned her down, for the moment. I don’t really like the idea of her purposely opening a vein for me to feed; although if she cuts herself accidentally I will be there like a shot. Anyway I have rambled on enough.
Contributed by Ash[On to Page… Hey, it looks like you’ve reached the end. Stay tuned…more to come…]