My awakening was one that began at the age of 13, when I was first approached by a female spirit that whispered into my ear a word that I cannot recall at such a later point of my life. I know that at that time I was not scared nor truly aware of what it was that just happened to me. I knew that this was the start of what I began as my quest for knowledge.
I found myself studying the different types of magic, cults and abilities that were similar to whatever I started to feel or experience at that time. As I began to experience new abilities (reading souls, channeling, dreams, past lives recollection and spirit awareness), I attempted to reach out and find the answers to my new questions. This confused me because with each experience, another book would lead me into another direction, never down the right path. Yet, I believe that these different directions provided me with the knowledge to grow and question what was right for me.
My awakening started for me throughout my life, yet I was in denial of accepting it. Whenever I began to have the psychic abilities I would try to suppress them. I was afraid of change and wanted to feel normal and fit in just like every other person. This was not as easy as I thought and instead was able to suppress for a period of a couple of years my gifts.
This brings me to the recent, in which I began to fully awaken within the past month. I always enjoyed literature and cinema on vampires, even visualizing being changed into one. I was no different than others who have dreamt of being a vampire or of even being approached by one. I must confess that although this was very seductive, I had no belief that it was true or that they even existed whether as mortals (as we are) or as the immortals portrayed in literature. A strange thing began when I started to read a novel that was written by a very popular author on a clan of vampires who were ancient and warriors (defenders of the less strong vampires). The book was unlike any that I had read and found that the author had been very graphic on the feeding scenes (which of course since it is a novel, include sexual encounters).
I found myself growing closer and closer to enjoying the feeding and the lust that also accompanied it. I start to feel certain needs and begun to feel things that were not part of any book that I had read. My canine upper teeth begun to feel as if they were being pulled downward (close to what one would consider as “growing”), then I begun to feel a hunger for blood and a craving to be with someone for this act. I also started to see certain people with my mind’s eye in a red light, similar to when a person is in a dark room and the only light is a red light that illuminates that room. I began to also “hiss” at people that I did not even know or have reason to. The sun began to bother my eyes and my awareness of certain people around me became apparent, while all the other crowds of people began to fade into the scenery.
I decided to research whether there were vampires out in society today, since I figured that I could not be the only one that felt this way. As I had suspected, there were many different groups and I joined a couple that focused on real vampires (so their explanation of their groups referred to). I found one that seemed to be of interest and then was surprised to be contacted by one member the following day that I had joined.
As we spoke together via “IM chat” I started to feel a hunger and a lust that, when speaking with this person, I began to say things that were sexual and blood related. I could not control myself and even surprised myself. I felt that I had turned like a savage or primitive person with needs. It was during this conversation that I began to feel a weight on my chest that made it hard to breathe, although it did not last too long. I began to feel lightheaded as if I had taken some type of drug (which I do not), and a tremendous feeling of energy that made my heart race (similar to running a mile). I felt as if there was also a sexual energy and I had to stop my conversation with my newly found friend, enjoying the feeling. I saw, in my mind’s eye, a woman dressed in a white toga with black hair, red shiny lips and very fair skin. She was very seductive and desirable, yet I am not a lesbian. I felt as if this was the same woman that had come to me years before when I was 13 and who whispered in my ear.
The next morning I was energized and felt as if the three hours of sleep that I had the previous night was sufficient. My hunger was gone and I felt as if I was again a mundane (human only), but this was short lived. I began to feel different, powerful, and the sensitivity of my teeth still remained, yet would only come when I was in need of a feeding. The sun itched and made my skin very sensitive to the touch, I begun to see other people who looked to be vampires, and I was also having the dreams and memory recalls of long ago when I was approached by a vampire who changed me (another story).
Some say that my awakening is not real since it happened so late in my life, but I find that the real beginning of my awakening started when I was very young. I have since then, contacted and spoken with other vampires on the subject, as well as had vampires contact me, telling me that they were told by some inner force to contact me through past responses to group messages, sites, etc. Strangely, each one has either told me that there was something powerful in my eyes (available pictures of me), or that I was one of the older vampires changed not of this time (ancient), and these are sometimes mentioned by each individual that has contacted me.
An awakening, in my opinion is a personal experience that not everyone will report as being the same. It also can come at any stage in one’s life, mainly because the society that we live in and the teachings that we have received through mundanes (parents, teachers, religious leaders) has numbed our true selves. We have been prevented from becoming what we are to be in our lives. As children we are told not to do things without fully understanding why, told by friends when very young (or even now) that thinking you are a vampire, donor, etc. is “crazy thinking” and that you might need help. I say to all those that are experiencing the awakening and transformation, be of open mind and be true to yourself, let no one diminish your real being but find out who you are…
© Copyright 2007 by Mistresschanger. Permission to republish any parts of this article requires preapproval from writer at lovelylady1215 (at) yahoo.com .