Problems Vampires Have, Page 4

This section has problems pertaining to dealing with “everyday” (everynight?) things for vampires. It can get in a light vein, but I would prefer it to be mainly enlightening (jeez, can I quit with these day puns, already???) as to actual problems that vampires have to deal with on a day-to-day (aaarrrggghhh!!!) basis.  If you have a unique or unusual vampire-related problem or situation you’d like me to consider adding to the Problems Vampires Have section, send it in here.


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Things that make us self-conscious….

When you are a parent and you are listening to your children from inside your home outside innocently telling the neighbors that you have boo-boos because you are a vampire.

When others tell you that you need to see a doctor because “you just have to be anemic!”

When others constantly ask if you die if you go in the sun.

When others think you tear out people’s throats and feed like a rabid dog.

When doctors are stumped because your body temp is far lower than others.

When doctors can’t figure out why you are not feeling well and take a blood test and can’t figure out why the results are different that others and it is unexplainable.

When you’re with, married to, a lover of, etc., someone whose thirst is greater than yours.

Oh, I probably could go on forever…….just needed to vent for a bit….. Many thank yous……

From afflictiun

I am more than a little confused right now. I stumbled across this site and others like it while looking for a vampire related present for my sister. All my life I have been mistaken for a “vampire” by people I meet, and my friends actually joke about my being a bloodsucking immortal. The fact that I have survived a fatal bite from a funnel web spider (supposedly kills in minutes), a motorcycle crash at 100, falling off a two-story building on to my head, drowning, accidental overdosing, and a brick falling on my head does not help. I have the bad habit of biting my lovers, and since my canines and eye teeth are very sharp that does not impress some of them. I am weak and listless during day and wear sunglasses constantly. Living on the Gold Coast in Australia, I am constantly burnt when I am forced to go out during the day. I have been thirsty for years with only milk, orange juice, and almost raw meat abating it slightly. The only time I have any energy is when I try to take it from another life form; something I have never understood, but finding if I don’t, I get sick, I keep doing it anyway. I know think that a I may really be a … vampire … but now what? I have only fed on that pranic energy stuff for years and the Thirst rages constantly. I’m naturally psychic, but am so weak that I can barely draw enough energy to survive even when touching another. I cannot leave my body (something that used to happen occasionally in one of my energy sessions). In short, my friends, I am what happens when a born vampire does not drink. Believe me, the Thirst is there for a reason, and to any who think we are all just play-acting — spend a day in my body.

Now I need to find out, are there any vampires, blood or psi-, that I could meet in New Zealand where I am at the moment, or in Australia near Queensland? Or — pleeease — a donor. I am thirsty enough to start on animals. I fact I probably will have to. Yuk.

Contributed by MoJo

  1. Being forced to go to school all day, which just happens to be lit by fluorescent lights and has HUGE windows.
  2. Being so sensitive to light that you need to wear SPF 50…and still burn.
  3. Having people ask you why you’re so pale.
  4. Getting heartburn from everything you eat, and having to keep and abundance of Tums and Zantac 75 with you at all times…even though you’re only fourteen.
  5. Having people hold up their cross necklaces and ask if it will burn you.
  6. Getting a piece of garlic bread thrown at you.
  7. People asking if you’re going to drink their blood.
  8. People asking if you can turn into a bat.
  9. People asking to see your fangs. (But it is fun to show them!)
  10. People asking, “What, are you Dracula or something?”
  11. People asking you if you sleep in a coffin.
  12. People asking you if you can fly.
  13. People.
  14. Being asked if you worship the Devil.
  15. Not being able to afford decent sunglasses.
  16. Falling asleep in school.
  17. Not having a donor for almost two months.
  18. Role players.
  19. Craving the raw, bloody steaks mom’s thawing for dinner.
  20. Having your gums always feel like they’re going to shrink down to nothing.
  21. Bright, nasty headlights at night.

Contributed by Raven Blood

Since I’m still in school, I still have to do PE; this means over an hour in the sun (in the summer).

Getting asked by my friends, “Why don’t you sit in the sun? Are you a vampire or something?” They think this is funny since they don’t know I am.

Getting asked why I’m squinting on an overcast day (my school doesn’t allow me to wear sunglasses or hats), replying, “It’s too bright and too hot,” and getting told that I’m weird.

Getting told I look ill and that I should go lie down.

Having my parents tell me that I’ll be unhealthy if I don’t go out and “enjoy the sunshine”.

Standing in the lunch queue, in the middle of summer. [Presumably, this is outside…? — Sanguinarius]

Looking like a panda when I do wear my sunglasses.

Having to go to the opticians and having them shine those nasty bright lights in my eyes.

Being blinded in the mornings when my mum opens the curtains and declares that it’s a lovely day.

Contributed by anonymous

One time I wore my vampire caps to our local Renaissance Faire and everything was going fine for a while. Then, Sir Walter Raleigh saw my “teeth” and he thought I was a demon or something. He started yelling, “Get this person exorcized! They are evil!” This lady comes up and starts throwing Holy Water on my clothes. I looked at her like she’s crazy. The good thing is that Sir Walter Raleigh decided to give up on me, so he said, “You have now been almost fully cleansed of the evil spirit. To finish your exorcism, run 3 times around the square and do a few push-ups.”

Contributed by

I was driving home from school last night. You guys would know how it is…street lights and oncoming headlights…nasty bright things.

Anyway, there I am cruising down the road when I see blue and red flashing lights in the mirror. I pull over and a police officer comes to my door.

I ask, “Good evening Officer, what is the problem?”

He says, “Evening. Tell me, do you always drive at 9 pm without headlights?”

I think…ooops. I say, “Sorry, must have missed that.”

He says, “How in the name of god can you see anything? You have no headlights on and…are you wearing sunglasses?”

I think…shit. I say, “Errr…prescription glasses.”

He shakes his head and says, “You youngsters are a weird lot.”

I will always turn my headlights on and take my sunnies off at night. I am sending myself a memo!

Take care…be safe. Always use your headlights. ; )

Contributed by Lilly the Twit

Attempting to convince your mother you really DO have a fever. “But Mom, 98 IS a fever for me!!”

Feeling really guilty for giving in to clichés when you buy Ann Rice books.

Family Vacations at the Beach. Enough said.

A school year of hell, when fate casts you in the seat next to the huge windows.

People asking if they can watch your fangs retract.

Deciding what to be for Halloween. I mean, what’s the point?

When daylight savings time ends and you have to wait for the bus every morning in the FRICKIN’ SUNSHINE!

If you’re in a band, being accused of being gimmicky.

People that spell vampire with a “Y”! Their mere existence annoys me to no end.

Contributed by SaucyJackky

These are true things that actually happened to me when I lived in Florida.

Problems Vamp Surfers Have:

  • Not being able to find places to night surf
  • Getting arrested so many times for night surfing that the you are on a first-name basis with the cops
  • When surfing during the day (yech), getting laughed at because you wear a long wetsuit and really dark-tinted goggles to surf
  • Not being able to find strong enough sun block
  • Normal surfers wondering if you’re sick because you’re so pale
  • Normal surfers

“In a world like this, a freak is no bad thing to be. They proved that back in the Sixties.” — Arethusa

Contributed by The Clurichaun

I for one am sick of hiding what I am for fear of being institutionalized. I for one am sick of our nation supporting a religion (Christianity) financially, that espouses hate against us (and others). I for one am sick of the word “Vampire” being synonymous with “Evil”. I for one am sick of kids at the mall hissing at me while wearing plastic fangs, who then go on to quote White Wolf and act like they’re part of some big occult conspiracy. I for one am sick of prejudiced trash attacking, assaulting, and KILLING us and getting off, but if we so much as punch someone in self-defense we’re “part of a cult”, “trouble makers”, or “deviants”. Just my feelings.

Contributed by Death Mime

I am thinking my main problem is coming from a religious family and being naturally evil. (Some of you may not be evil, but I am and enjoying it. After all, the word “evil” is only “live” backwards. Being a Satanist, goth and witch probably doesn’t help my goodness.)

  1. The most annoying thing I have encountered is that even after I left my parent’s home, I still have to actually DELIBERATELY stand in direct sunlight so people won’t figure what I am. Without sunnies.
  2. How I can never show my true colors to anyone but those like me — there are those that would kill us and I live in a place where those people are closest me…
  3. Being asked so many QUESTIONS!!!! People don’t know everything, but the goth thing is hard to hide (and why should I?) and it is only today I am asked to do an interview asking if I worship the Devil and if I like being me…
  4. The strange looks people give you when they catch you staring at their exposed veins.
  5. Books that talk about vampires but have no idea what they’re talking about.

Contributed by Jaynie

[On to Page 5]

I’m the founder/creator/page slave of I’m in my early-to-mid 40s. I have 2 special kitties and a good man.

More info later.

See my website, Sangi’s Corner, for more about me.

Sanguinarius E. Sanguinarius – who has written posts on for Real Vampires.

About Sanguinarius E. Sanguinarius

I’m the founder/creator/page slave of I’m in my early-to-mid 40s. I have 2 special kitties and a good man. More info later. See my website, Sangi’s Corner, for more about me.
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