Problems Vampires Have, Page 1

This section has problems pertaining to dealing with “everyday” (everynight?) things for vampires. It can get in a light vein, but I would prefer it to be mainly enlightening (jeez, can I quit with these day puns, already???) as to actual problems that vampires have to deal with on a day-to-day (aaarrrggghhh!!!) basis.  If you have a unique or unusual vampire-related problem or situation you’d like me to consider adding to the Problems Vampires Have section, send it in here.


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Here’s one: Not being able to complete an eye exam appointment due to the fact that the doctor would not accommodate my needs, or listen to me, or make any effort at all to work with me. And not being able to express those needs in a way which might justify my reacting the way I do/did. Oh, yes! I was just being difficult because I didn’t WANT to get my eyes examined. If I wasn’t willing to go through with it, — whether I liked it or not, — I would not have been in there at all. I knew that it would turn out the way it did.

My eyes are extremely sensitive to light, anyway. Shine a BRIGHT light directly into my eyes and they are going to squeeze shut, whether I choose to have them open or not! I know that they can be pried open (while I’m grabbing onto the chair and trying not to squirm and jerk around and growl and whimper and squeal like a caged, wild animal!*); it can and has been done. This … individual — I REFUSE to refer to him by any title! — would not even give the eye-pry a try. He just said, basically, Well if you’re not going to let me do this then the eye exam is over. To which I said that he would need to manually open my eyes to look at them and to put the drops in — which sting terribly! But he refused. And his attitude towards me / having to bother with me was really rude. Downright rude and snotty.

Doctors who are rude and snotty towards patients with individual needs should not be doctors at all. They should have to quit, and be plumbers or taxi drivers or something.

I also had inquired (although it’s moot at this point) about any possibility of doing the examination without administering these drops (which dilate the eyes and cause everything to be god-awfully bright to a normal person), and explained about my eyes being sensitive. He didn’t care; he just asked if I’d brought a pair of sunglasses with me. — Yes, I had. But those don’t even fully compensate for normal light levels, let alone after my eyes be dilated!

I was willing to endure the eye-drops, but he wouldn’t even make the effort to open my eyes to put them in. Oh, well. Appointment’s over. Bye. And I’d waited something like an hour or more in the waiting room, knowing something like this would happen, but hoping that I would be helped by someone who gave a damn. Further, he tried to put it all off on me like I was just trying to be a difficult @$$hole, and do I want to take the exam or not? What did I just say to him??

*This little incident occurred when I had gone into the emergency room because my skin was breaking out (that’s another story…); at that time, I’d had a speck of something that had gotten into my eye and was driving me batty. Apparently the doctor there thought that I had come in for that reason, because he was hell-bent on examining my eyes and just treated the skin-part almost as an afterthought. To make this short, they even had called the security guard in to be on standby within about 5 feet away, inside the room. I’d say that I freaked them out pretty bad because it was the beast I’m talking about here, and I know damn straight that they didn’t know what in hell to make of it. (Either that, or they did know…or figured it out. Wouldn’t have taken much intelligence to make the inference. Like, I come in the middle of the night wearing shades, freaking pale, dressed in black, and I start acting THAT way when they go messing with my eyes…can we say, duh!) Not normal. Heh.


Not being able to go to a friend’s house for a slumber party, because the last time you went, their parents checked on you in the middle of the night and since they couldn’t tell that you were breathing they thought that you were dead and called the EMS. No kidding — this happened to me! Boy, were they shocked when I finally woke up. (I’m a real heavy sleeper!)

Contributed by DrenAnon

Annoying people who make comments like: “Hey, you really need to work on your tan.” / “Is that makeup, or are you really that pale?” / “Are you sick or something?” I don’t know…that stuff just really bothers me.

All the years in school (and if you have a day job) of having to put up with bright lights and morning people.

Contributed by lernst

…You have to listen to your friends telling you the same stupid vampire jokes.

Here’s another one: Having to cope with the odd occasion when someone’s not being careful when doing Prep and they slice their finger. Try continuing to go about your business because, so what? Someone cut themselves — big deal, it happens, right? Ha! You are in a bind, and you really should leave the scene immediately, but of course, you don’t get off for 2 more hours…”Whatdaya do, Jack? Whatdaya do?” People tend to notice that you’ve started acting kind of, y’know, weird…


I remember when I was in school and I hated it because I was in denial at the time about what was wrong with me. I couldn’t see during the day it was bright and annoying. I had a hard time getting up in the morning no matter how much I slept, could have been twelve hours I still didn’t want to get up. Didn’t want to sleep at night, and I didn’t really feel like doing anything all day. I remember when this was first brought to my attention because I didn’t really notice it. I had a friend who I was just getting to know at the time and we used to party with a few other people and then after a week I went over to his house one day and he kept asking, “What’s wrong with you? You okay, are you mad at me or something?” Confused, I didn’t know what he was talking about and all day he kept bugging me, sure that something was wrong. Finally, when I was going home I started talking and being weird as usual. He turned and scared the crap out of me by going, “Aha! You’re a night person, see now that it’s all dark you’re being normal again!” I realized then that he had never seen me during the day and so my day time sluggishness was new to him, and at the same time I realized he was right. I never really wanted to do anything during the day.

The sun was also a big problem for me and I used to get second degree burns from being outside, not even that long really. Get blisters, really nasty! Lots of sunscreen and long sleeves soon found themselves a home in my life. Groan This was a big problem during gym, though this did have a good side. During gym I found the perfect donor. She was energy-packed and delightful for me to just be around; I could be in the worst mood and all I had to do was stand near her for a moment and I’d feel better. That and she was the most willing person to cut herself; she enjoyed it and I was the happiest thing in the world. I remember once she had a razor and wanted me to cut her. I get too excited during these moments, and just remembering what it was like to drink her blood was enough to drive me insane. (Does anyone else notice a difference in people energy-wise?) I cut her where she wanted me to and a bit too deep I’m afraid, but I was a little too excited for my own good. She didn’t mind; and as I was enjoying myself, one of the other kids came around the corner and caught a bit of the action. I have no idea what his first thought was, but two girls one on her knees in what appears to be me kissing her stomach? He came over as we scrambled away, her trying not to get blood on her white shirt. He talked a little until he noticed the blood seeping through her shirt, then asked “What are you, a vampire?”


“Then why are you always in the shade?”

“Because it’s hot.”

“Then why do you wear long sleeves?”

“Because I don’t want to burn.”

“Then why do you wear sunglasses all the time?”

“Duh! It’s bright.”

“It’s not bright, it’s overcast.”

“Still too bright.”

“Why were you drinking her blood?”


“You’re a vampire — you just don’t want to admit it. Can I watch you drink her blood?”

“No..Why do you want to?”

Turns out he knew a guy who really was a vampire and I reminded him of his friend. I winced but found that all of a sudden I didn’t feel that insane anymore. I mean there were people like me? All my life I never felt normal. There were thing I never told anyone because I thought for sure I was crazy. Things added up and even though I didn’t want to admit it, it felt right. That almost made me feel worse; I felt if I thought that, I would be contributing to my own insanity, but it wouldn’t go away. It explained a lot but still made me miserable: the day/night thing, the blood thing, the sun thing, the bright thing, the visions, the dreams I was having; it explained people and how they affected me and how I affected them: the auras, perhaps even the entities that continuously bugged and hounded me, the sudden bursts of energy and then sluggish once more, depression then not depressed but energized from day to day, even the odd sensation that I didn’t really belong here or to them.

Then perhaps it doesn’t, and I really am insane. Sorry but I was thinking about all that and of course I’m confused as all hell. Sorry for being lengthy, having one of those annual “doubting my sanity” moments, and I, too, have a lot to get off my chest.

Contributed by WispRed

Something that is happening more frequently with me as I dress more the way I feel comfortable in (black, flowing dresses, cloaks…you know), the more I have to put up with ignorant morons. For instance, I’m sure everyone has the pet peeve of sitting on a bus, listening to somebody’s Walkman from the back. All I did was ask if they could please turn it down. What did I get in return? “It’s my fking music, and I’m gonna listen to it! And who the fk are you anyways? Dracula?” The sniggers from around us were tangible. I’m just disgusted that when I choose to be an individual by indulging in my choice of clothing, there are assholes out there who can’t see past their own choice to be a sheep and look like everyone else. I feel better already…

Contributed by Rahvin

Having a serious conversation with your friends when they start laughing because they think you just told a vampire joke.

When people look at you strange for rooting for the vampire in vampire movies. When the vampire(s) die at the end of said movies.

Being confused for a Satanist.

Having to eat at the waffle house because it’s the only f***ing thing open.

Curfew laws. As if it weren’t bad enough we have to be awake in the day, now they say we can’t be out at night. F*** them!!!!!

All the hate and bitterness that gets built up at all the bastards who (knowingly or not) make life for us difficult.

Contributed by Daedalus

Why do people insist on telling me that I need to get some sun? I know I’m white. In fact, I think I’m whiter than a white girl should be. I’d love a tan. But all I ever do is burn. Even if I could tan, I hate the look of tan lines. And since you won’t catch me walking around in a string bikini, much less naked, I doubt it’s ever going to happen. Besides, too much sun is bad for you. Ewww, skin cancer, bad.

I’m tired of getting stupid looks from people when I wear sunglasses at 6:00 in the evening on cloudy days. I know it’s cloudy, but it still feels like there are hot pokers being shoved into my eyeballs. Are they afraid that I can’t see where I’m driving? They should be more worried that I don’t plow over them for the sheer enjoyment.

I’m tired of my stomach acting up every morning, making me nauseous and late for work. (You might be thinking “morning sickness.” That would be downright miraculous. But that’s a whole ‘nother rant.) I absolutely hate the feeling that, no matter what, bad things are going to come out of various orifices. And I haven’t even eaten much this week! What does my stomach have to be upset about?

I’m tired of other people’s moods influencing my own. I have enough of a problem with mood swings without someone else’s bad day making me do a 180.

Now I have a headache. Now I get paranoid that I’ll get another friggin’ migraine. It hasn’t happened in a few years, but that just means that I’m due for one anytime now. Just waitin’ for the blind spots…

I’m tired of being so sensitive to changes in the weather that my sinuses make my face feel like it’s going to implode. I swear, El Niño is trying to kill me. One day it’ll be cloudy and rainy, they next it’ll be clear, sunny, and up to 80 degrees. Make up your mind, dammit!

I’m tired of having to get up early in the morning to go to work and having the daytime suck the life out of me. Then, in the evening when I absolutely have to go to sleep, I start getting more energetic and don’t want to. It just feels like such a waste to sleep at night. But society has this thing about only doing things during the daylight hours. Don’t you hate it when it’s 3:00 in the morning and you really want to do something, but nothing’s open? That’s usually when I make up my mind to do things, and then I can’t do anything about it. Once the sun rises, I get lazy and sluggish and just want to sleep.


I’d better go now. I’m starting to annoy myself with my incoherent ramblings.

Contributed by Cheshire

How about being a parent in general. To be more specific: when your kid gets a cut and you have to kiss it better … teachers looking at you strange because you are always wearing shades. — And then, should your child happen to say anything out of the ordinary at school…

I had one other thought to add. Daycares aren’t open at night.

Contributed by anonymous

  1. How many times must people feel compelled to advise me to ‘Go out and get some sun’ followed by the classic ‘You are so pale, are you sick or something?’ At this point I smile enough to show some fang. That usually shuts them up.
  2. In the field I am employed in, there are NO night shifts!
  3. Summer. Too much sun, the days are too long, and it is not cold enough. I do not like to be warm…
  4. Blood nowadays is risky, to say the least. I find myself nursing a cut finger way too often….
  5. I will stick my neck out on this one, but RPG’ers annoy me to no end. I have no issue with people playing games. Fantasy is a vital part of keeping one’s head on straight; you need it. But I am not a game player, I am a vampire. Being hounded for ‘tips’ on how to get very pale and in other respects look like one of the kindred is very tiresome.
  6. Generally feeling removed and remote from others of my kind. The Internet is the most wondrous tool for contacting others, but I like knowing that others are close.

That is the tip of my iceberg. Thanks for listening.

Contributed by Pale Lady

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I’m the founder/creator/page slave of I’m in my early-to-mid 40s. I have 2 special kitties and a good man.

More info later.

See my website, Sangi’s Corner, for more about me.

Sanguinarius E. Sanguinarius – who has written posts on for Real Vampires.

About Sanguinarius E. Sanguinarius

I’m the founder/creator/page slave of I’m in my early-to-mid 40s. I have 2 special kitties and a good man. More info later. See my website, Sangi’s Corner, for more about me.
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