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Coming Out

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(The following exchange was originally posted on the Red Elixir Message Board -- now closed -- in 1999.)

"Coming out"
Thu Oct 21 07:43:34 1999

What is the biggest problem that you've all had in discussing blood drinking with someone else... someone who previously had no idea that you had a need for blood, and who, for whatever reason, you felt needed to know?

How did you go about telling someone who didn't know? How did the need to tell come about? Was it a potential donor? Was it a dear friend who needed to know the truth about you? Was it a desperate need to talk to someone in the hopes of finding someone who'd understand?

* * *

Come out, come out where ever you are...
Thu Nov 4 14:57:30 1999


I think it would largely depend upon the person you wish to come out to. As with any news that has the potential to really affect the life of another, you must speak on their level in their language from their point of view. Also, take into consideration how they view you in your entirety as a person. Trust is the biggest issue. One never knows how another may react to the startling news that you snack on other people.

For me, I've told when someone in my life has reached a point that they have gotten so closely involved in my day to day existence that I must make a choice to either allow them to progress further and have the opportunity to increase the value of the friendship/relationship by leaps and bounds by putting me at ease and setting the stage for deeper communication, or placing a limit at that point in which they can go no further. Sometimes, the people that are a part of your life, but not a truly active part, need not know, especially if the potential for problems is great.

I recently "came out" and told someone whom I felt had reached that point in my life that either I allowed them to get closer and become a more vital part of my life or keep at a distance and risk missing a valuable bond. My previous credibility certainly helped in that I have always been fairly blunt, level-headed, honest and open with the individual. The event took place in the aftermath of a very psychotic night in which I... I can think of no other word except frenzied... due to not feeding properly for what has been.. let's see.. almost a year now. I ended up injuring myself for what must be the fourth or fifth time since this period of abstinence began. At any rate, the particulars are unimportant at this point.

The next night, I was very dizzy, cramping and generally in a very unagreeable mood. Circumstances took place that led to questions that led to answers... and suddenly I was aware that I was telling this person about the previous night's events... which led to an explanation of the past, discussion on various theories, ideas about how to help the current situation (though, no, they did not offer to be a donor. I knew you would wonder, Serendipity. Seems to be the record in the past). It ended up being a long, detailed and sanity-restoring conversation.

I took a chance and it worked out well. I shudder to think of how terrible it could have been. Always weigh the worth. Why are you telling? Is it important enough to you to risk the consequences? Will it truly be productive? How might it impact the other person? If it truly seems to be a difficult thing to tell (or the first time ever telling), it can be somewhat frightening. Before you can tell someone else, tell yourself. You cannot expect someone else to believe what you do not. Write a letter to no one, and in it tell all the things you want to tell the person. Read it and think about what you are saying and who you are saying it to.

As a vampire, one generally has advantages that can be put to use, things one can do to sway the situation and make it more comfortable for both parties involved. Set the stage. Establish a link. By being able to reach inside and feel and gauge what the other person feels, one can adjust adjust accordingly and influence that reaction. The length one goes to will all depend upon the value of the person and the crucial status of the situation. Be prepared to answer questions as best one can. Lastly, if it is someone I deeply care about, I would stress the reasons behind my speaking in the first place to the person in question.

For all this rambling, I hope it might help.

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